I CHOSE 4….๐Ÿธโ˜•๏ธ

I was in the bank the other day with my husband and our two youngest children when a west African senior citizen approached me. My husband was out of sight at the time as I held our youngest in my arms and my 2 year old son ran around making mischief. 

He approached me smiling and our conversation went as followed:

Him: how old is baby? ๐Ÿ˜Š

Me: 7 weeks ๐Ÿ˜

Him: so you have a girl and a boy, that’s nice ๐Ÿ˜Œ

Me: yes and I also have 2 girls at school ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜

Him: hold on, so you have 4 kids? ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค”

Me: yes ๐Ÿ™‚

Him: WHY? ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Me: cos I wanted to ๐Ÿ˜ค

Him: (leaning in closer) Are they all from the same dad? ๐Ÿค”

Me: (wanting to slap him for asking why and now even more so) Yes they are, my husband is over there ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ค

Him: Ok, well all the best ๐Ÿ˜ถ

Me: Thank you. ๐Ÿ˜ก

Now I know that for some people any more than two kids is not an option but hey, guess what for us IT WAS! My first pregnancy was a surprise as I was an endometriosis sufferer but none of our babies have been an ‘accident’. We are adults and know how reproduction works. If we wanted one or two that could have been easily achieved. Four was our number and thanks be to God he granted the desires of our hearts. 

My husband works hard and we do not walk around begging for bread, asking strangers for clothing, childcare or shelter. A family of 6 is expensive but God has never failed us and just like the birds we eat everyday. 

I often get mistaken for younger than my years (heeeyyy) but in 3 years I’ll be fabulous and forty so no sorry I don’t fit your stereotype of a young mum with multiple fathers who does not know how to use protection. I know it would make some people feel better. Because no one sane, married in their thirties and in love has four kids right? 

But while i’ve touched on the point -Why do we try and baby shame anyway? There are teen mums doing a better job than some thirty somethings, there are women that have left abusive partners with their children and then met someone new, had more kids and now get judged because there’s been a surname change. My mum had my eldest brother at 18 and my youngest sibling at 37 and there was a surname change during that time. Things happen folks! Life happens. 

Now I became a mum before I became a wife even though I was a wife before I became a mum but to another man (just for the record) but I am of the belief that committed relationships as in within a marriage are the best places to raise a family. I am a Christian but I think I would have drawn the same conclusion without my faith. It doesn’t take away from the great job my mum did or the millions of families around the world are doing everyday but I’ve been that child raised outside a marriage, I’ve left a dodgy marriage and I’m now a wife and the mother of kids being raised within a marriage so I feel qualified to comment. I believe a marriage equals a heartfelt commitment that offers all involved stability. 

To those that will argue ‘I’ve been with my man 10 years and we’ve got a stronger relationship than my friends who are married’ that’s great but you still have your daddy’s last name so if your ‘man’ ‘partner’ ‘hubby’ ‘baby daddy’ makes you so happy. Why no formal commitment? Being called ‘wifey’ at forty is nothing aspirational in my opinion. Even jobs have contracts. No one loses, protection on both sides. Whenever I watch ‘snapped’ (crime program where women kill spouses’) I always tease the hubby with a faint whisper ‘liiiifffeeee insuraaaaaaance’! He always says he’s sending an email out to friends and family that in the event of anything happening to him ‘suspiciously’ it’s ME!

But I see I’ve totally left the point of this whole post! 

Children are a BLESSING. Period! If you cannot say anything nice to those of us who have gone against the status quo and birthed multiple times, then hush! If someone has more than one father for their brood do not judge them, for you do not know their journey. As long as the needs of said children are being met and you are not footing the bill what’s to discuss. 

So thank you old man, I respect you but your question of ‘why’ I had four beautiful children did not even warrant a response from me but my ‘single mum’ of SIX raised me better – lucky for you dude!

As always ….V x
#keepwalking #nothingtoseehere #momof4 #proud #mum #babies #kids #gifts #legacy #husband #wife #team #nocomment 

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