I have observed that when Christians get pregnant out of wedlock in the church in many cases they would have received more mercy if they had committed murder. With murder the ‘holiness police’ may even jump to their defence saying it was totally out of character, definitely self defence, it’s that boy friend she got with-he was always going to cause trouble or even say that they’ve got the wrong person!
Cue pregnancy out of wedlock…
You start to hear:
That one my ‘spirit’ always picked up something about her…double life.
Well what do you expect? They’ll say, The girls these days they haven’t been raised right. From the time she started wearing makeup in the choir, I knew she was a fast one!
Unlike other sins, sex outside of marriage is one that is revealed to the world via bump or baby months after the act. Unless that is one chooses to abort the baby or be sent ‘back home’ to suddenly spend time with distant relatives and birth baby over there ‘in secret’. 👀
The bible says God is no respecter of person and that all sin is equal so why do we in the church put so much weight on one transgression over the other?
When I got pregnant with my first child. OH MY!…
Seriously, I KNOW from that experience alone that I am a strong woman because how ‘the church’ turned on me was real and without mercy but I would still show up every week. I point blank refused to sit at the back just because my short coming was on public display and theirs were hidden…who were THEY to dictate my process of repentance and restoration?
My husband even lost friends that thought they were ranked so highly beside God and His holiness that they couldn’t stand by and watch the car crash. It seems these days Pastors can only get away with certain sins of passion in the church and normally the women caught up with them get the blame and are vilified for provoking and tempting the MAN OF GOD with their Jezebel spirit (but that’s another day and another blog post). #sexisminthechurch
Women whether teenagers or adults need support and love shown to them during this time. Don’t you think they feel bad enough? You haven’t seen the tears they cried before God, or their prayers of repentance. Their longing to feel forgiven enough to be used by God again and their feeling of shame and loneliness ever compounded by the church’s ‘holiness police’, It’s as if as long as the bump is visible the sentence must stand. Only fading slightly as you attend with your baby maybe out of pity or because who doesn’t love a baby after all.
Unfortunately your history is forever stained and your anointing questioned, like a Scarlett letter worn by women of old caught in the act of adultery.
Anyway back to women needing support and love.
The church is great at telling you what time it is AFTER the pregnancy has occurred but what about BEFORE? I know many churches today with great leaders, youth ministries and women’s ministries where there are mentors and accountability partners ready and waiting to stand with you but unfortunately especially in the predominantly West Indian old school church system where I was raised they are grossly falling short in this area. So many gifted women and girls simply disappear from church and even give up on God after a pregnancy. This BREAKS MY HEART. God never said he was finished with them yet. Man did.
I remember the ABSOLUTE SHOCK I had when I found out that a respected elder in the church had all of her children OUT OF WEDLOCK. She and her husband were not running to share their story with me or other young men and women. Instead they were part of the of the lynch mob. What an amazing opportunity for them to demonstrate Gods grace and love. To actually minister accurately and precisely in this very area they once struggled in. It was a totally missed opportunity.
So I write and share my stories because God told me to, many years ago. I didn’t know where to start but I knew that I had to obey because if one person could feel like they were not alone I would feel my pain had not been in vain. I’m grateful for what I’ve experienced because my pain became my story and my story has proven over and over again God is real and that His love never runsout.
Thank you God for my big mouth that whether I’m talking, typing or singing what’s in my heart, I know your leading me.
As always, V… 😘