First Lady? Nah, not in the church. 

It is possible that many church ‘protocol’ loyalists will disagree with me on this one, but the term ‘First Lady’ used within the church these days kinda irritates me, ok let me be honest, it seriously irritates me and lets be honest too, that in terms of its use within a church setting it is very much a ‘black thing’ and just highlights an obsession with titles and hierarchy.
I serve God. I follow Jesus. I respect church leaders and honestly take my hat off to their sacrifice of answering ‘the call’. But a Pastor is a Pastor and his wife is his wife and or a Pastor or she will carry the title of the gifting she carries-Right? Or am I missing something.
I have grown up in the church so I speak of a territory I am super familiar with. In the 80’s and 90’s in the Caribbean churches I attended and visited from NW London to the Midlands the term ‘First Lady’ was not one I ever heard. (Correct me if I’m wrong). It has somehow snuck in and has been adopted by us from the States and now you cannot sit in a black majority church service from Old Kent Road to Harlesden high road without hearing the monicker.
My sister is a Pastor and a Pastors wife and she cringes at the First Lady tag. It does not exude a humble air and brings a political almost celebrity-esque vibe to a movement where the Son of God we follow is the epitome of humility and servitude.
The world with its measures and conditions of beauty and life successes continually sets women against each other competitively. Are you married? Do you have kids? Did you go to Uni? How’s she driving that? How she get him? Etc etc etc. The church on the other hand should be debunking myths and measures of success based on external attributes, marital status and the like.
The First Lady is simply the woman who is married to the senior Pastor. Is that really a valid qualification for a title. Some Pastors wives are so humble and about Gods business with all the credentials of the proverbs 31 woman. Others on the other hand work that title to within an inch of its life and have been known to even get private number plates and clothing bearing the cringeworthy tag. #issues
Wikipedia says….

First Lady is an unofficial title used for the wife or hostess of a non-monarchical head of state or chief executive. The term is also used to describe a woman seen to be at the top of her profession or art. Collectively, the President of the United States and his spouse are known as the First Couple and if they have a family, they are usually referred to as the first family.


Ok now!
I was in a service once where a ‘first lady’ was telling her life story about how fellow women in the church we’re horrified when her husband chose her as his wife. It hurt her obviously but now God had so elevated her during her time of service that she was now not just a ‘First Lady’ but now she was the ‘Premier Lady’ over ALL the other women. 😳😳 WHAAAAAT!!!
So my thing is when all these FIRST and PREMIER ladies are strutting around the house of God with their crowns and sashes where is the room for the adulation and honour of GOD!
What I’m trying to say is let the house of the Lord be just that. Let’s remove the politics, the secular mimicking, the false humility, the title obsession, the creating of demi gods and goddesses, the abuse of power and the hierarchy that can leave members seemingly at the bottom of the food chain feeling as though they might as well have stayed in ‘the world’ and got more love.
Instead let’s keep the love, the respect, the equality, the leadership (WITH VISION), the undiluted word and room for all the talents and giftings to flourish and bless the earth.
Honour your leaders and Pastors and be teachable. However please beware of leaders who use the church as a means of power and superiority over you. Don’t dumb yourself down if it feels wrong it probably is. If you wouldn’t tolerate it in the world why turn a blind eye in the church.
Church is:

Not about titles

Not about Sunday best

Not about who gives the biggest offering

Not about who’s closest to the Pastor

Not about culture

Not about race

Not about no First Lady… Let’s leave that to Mrs Obama!
Pretty please V 😘



  1. When people identify me as the “first lady” i totally cringe. Titles totally take away the focus on the mission. I’m a Pastors Wife, who wants to love people, serve people, & Help people into the Kingdom. So glad I found someone else who thinks the “First Lady” title should be left to Mrs. Obama! Thx


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